Sep192008
Struggling
Filed under Confession,Day to Day by kristen at 11:47 am on Sep 19 2008
To be really honest, I don’t want to write this. I guess if I write it then it is admitting it. But I have vowed to be honest. Honesty is really hard at times. But here it is……..
I am struggling with my eating. I really don’t know what my problem is. I knew that the journey wouldn’t always be smooth. I knew that there would be bumps along the way. To be honest, I really liked the losing mode. I am not as fond of maintenance. Isn’t that weird? I enjoyed the thrill of losing each week.
I think part of it is the stress right now in our lives. Then my health has been faltering the last few days. Not good at all. The pressure in my head is all out of whack. My medicine is being adjusted so that could play a part. When my pressure is out of sorts then my memory is affected. Just a lot of stuff. I am not making excuses because there aren’t any reasons why I should be doing this to myself.
I hope that my honesty will encourage others. I have been running in to a lot of people that follow my site. It is a very interesting feeling to be recognized. But the reoccurring comment is that everyone appreciates my honesty. I heard that again just this morning. You know who you are. 
So I want to be as honest as I can.
Do I ever think I will let myself get so out of control that I gain all of my weight back? No. I really don’t believe that I would let myself go that far. Yes, I have put back on a few pounds. Yes, I need a swift kick in the pants. But like I have said all along, I am not perfect. I am human. I have struggled so long with my eating that I cannot expect perfection. But like I said before…… Persistence not Perfection that is my goal.
We are getting ready to head to Chicago in a few hours. It will be a time that we can just spend together and get away from the daily grind. The weather should be beautiful. A trip to the American Girl Store. A Cub’s game. It should be a great weekend.
I hope that my honesty isn’t discouraging. I don’t want to scare anyone away. I will get my head back in the game. I know that a few days away will “do me good”.
1 Brandee Richardsonon 19 Sep 2008 at 1:28 pm
I am right there with you! I do the same thing to myself and then get right back at it! I was up a pound for my weigh-in this morning and felt like crying. I just have to be more disciplined. I’ll hang in there if you will!
2 Sharon Hiteon 19 Sep 2008 at 2:25 pm
Hi Kristen,
I understand exactly what you are saying. I have had these same struggles for a long time, probably more years that you have been alive.
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I have probably lost at least 500 pounds. The same 5 pounds a hundred times!! I really so appreciate your honesty.
I, too, think maintenance is more difficult than losing weight.
3 Lorettaon 19 Sep 2008 at 10:29 pm
Hi Kristin, I appreciate your honesty! You have made me realize that I am not the only one to go through this part of maintaining. It was so much easier losing ! I do the same thing eating and making excuses for it. So, I just keep telling myself that I cannot give up what I want the most for what I want at the moment. I enjoy your site very much and thank you for your work helping others. Bless you.
4 Lisaon 20 Sep 2008 at 11:37 am
Kristen, I, too, appreciate your honesty. This is a very difficult path we have chosen, and anyone who says it’s easy, it not honest. I have fun with it sometimes, hate it others, ignore it sometimes, then get right back to it. Old habits die hard, and life gets in the way, but we are all here for a reason, and deep down, we know what we need to do. I enjoy your site very much! Keep up the good work and enjoy your weekend!!
5 Christieon 21 Sep 2008 at 7:03 pm
Kristen I often feel the same way. It was so much easier during the losing phase. Now in maintainence it seems so much harder. I think since there is not a goal # that you are striving toward, it’s more difficult to stay focused. It is so nice to be able to read that you are going through the exact same thing and that we all can help each other through our struggles. Some days are easier than others. We need to take each day at a time and focus on getting through. You are a great inspiration, I enjoy seeing you, and reading your site. I hope you had a great weekend away and I know you will come back and be ready to start fresh with a new attitude. I hope you are feeling better. See you soon.
6 Annon 27 Dec 2008 at 1:04 pm
I am fairly new to your site. I am generally very hard on myself when I don’t do things perfectly. I appreciate your honesty because I am just beginning this “healthy journey”. Your honesty helps me to regain control when I feel like I can’t.