Jul302008
Slaying some dragons
Filed under Confession,Day to Day,Journal,Quotes by admin at 3:45 am on Jul 30 2008
The last few days I have been fighting some dragons in my head. No you don’t to call anyone to have a psych evaluation done. I have just battled this dragon that tells me that I deserve to eat at certain times or for certain reasons. This has been something that I really am fighting.
I guess I need to give a little background. After our first daughter, Sydney, was born I found this dragon and I didn’t fight it at all. I actually had it move in with us for some time. From the time Sydney was born, she didn’t sleep. It was horrid. She didn’t sleep through the night for 18 months! I thought I was going to die of sleep deprivation. (If you have read my blog for very long you know that I need a lot of sleep. That is just how I am wired.) Sydney would be up for hours at a time. She wasn’t a good napper. We tried everything. I mean everything. Nothing worked. So when I was up in the night with her, I would eat. Somehow I started thinking that it was a reward for losing sleep. I deserved to eat since I couldn’t sleep. I thought it would make me feel better. Usually my food of choice was Dove Milk Chocolate. I could eat it like crazy! It is no accident that this is when I got to my heaviest. Sydney would get up in the night & I would eat as I tried to get her back to sleep.
Sydney’s horrid sleeping pattern made me very very reluctant to have any more children. I didn’t know if I could handle going through 18 months or even 6 months of that again. While I was pregnant I just prayed that this baby would sleep. My prayers were heard because Megan started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks.
Well, all that has changed. My great sleeper hasn’t been sleeping so well. It has been going on for a few months. Thankfully it isn’t every night. Megan gets up three or four nights in a row and then she will sleep for two or three weeks straight at night. Well, since Saturday night she has been up. We have several theories on why she is getting up. But that is a whole other post.
So the dragons are back. The last few nights/mornings that I have been up with her, I start thinking that I deserve to have something chocolate. The old thought pattern is starting to rear its ugly head. I don’t deserve to eat. I am not hungry. I am not entitled to eat for any other reason than hunger. So I am working again on slaying that dragon. I am not willing to let a few nights of missed sleep derail my hard work. Today I am determined to make better choices during the day and not let the exhaustion be the cause to eat. Food will not make me feel better just because I am tired.
So do you have times that you think you are entitled to eat? Deserve to eat? Are these reasons unhealthy? Slay those dragons!
OK. That is enough for now. I haven’t had enough coffee to be able to spell or put together proper grammar.
